January 9, 2013

By Pam Ballantine
Plattsburgh regional director of Christina Formation Office

When asked if I would write a reflection on my faith journey for the Year of Faith, I was very apprehensive.

As I began to pray and reflect on my faith story, two thoughts came to mind. Was my journey easy as following a green line painted on the ground like I have seen on the television commercial from Fidelity Investments or did it look like a large ant hill that was just run over by a lawn mower with all the ants scurrying every which way due to the chaos of the unexpected?

As I look back to my childhood, my journey began following that straight green line that my parents laid before me. I dare say as I started to take ownership of my own faith development is where the chaos came in. Sharing your faith with others is like praying, there is only one wrong way to do it….that is not to do it at all!   So here goes.

I was raised in the quiet Berkshire County town of Lenox, Mass. My church, St. Ann’s, sat at the bottom of the big hill in the center of town. I do not remember too much of the Latin Mass, only that if the candles on the higher altar were lit we had to stay longer. I also remember kneeling down at an altar rail to receive my First Communion and then going to a communion breakfast after Mass with our pastor Father Healy. He was by himself with 60 plus kids and no one dared to speak above a whisper or spill anything on our first communion attire. I remember going to my older brother and sister’s Confirmation waiting to see how hard they were going to get slapped on the cheek by the bishop only to fall asleep during the Mass and missing the entire ceremony.
But most importantly, the greatest impact of my faith development as a small child was watching my mom and dad’s faith in action. They took the time to teach my brother, sister and me our prayers and took us to Mass every Sunday. There was never any argument on Sunday mornings about attending Mass. It was woven throughout the fabric of our family life.

The changes of Vatican II for the liturgy were implemented in our church when I was in about the fourth grade. We had a few weeks of instruction during Mass on the changes in the liturgy and then we clutched onto the pew cards that guided all of us through the Mass. (Sound familiar?)

I continued attending religion classes through high school. It was during these formative years that I began asking questions about my faith, especially as I entered into college. It seemed that the more I learned about the church, the scriptures and the liturgy, the more questions I had. It was during these struggling times that God always seemed to place special people into my life who kept me from wandering too far away from my spiritual path. I now look back on those times and thank God for these individuals who are still very close friends today. It was through these formative years, that I began to realize that my life’s journey wasn’t just a string of unrelated events; they were all beginning to connect to one another with Jesus right in the middle. I realize now he was right there in the trenches with me. He was real! Jesus became the foundation of my faith, my life and my ministry.

My ministry began as a guitar player for a folk group with college friends and then just grew from there. It was through this ministry that I met my husband Dan. I was asked to sing at the wedding for a dear friend. Her brother, (Dan) was home on military leave before heading to Guam for 18 months. We fell in love and on his return from Guam were married in 1980.

While stationed at Plattsburgh Air Force Base, Dan was sent on a remote tour to Belgium for one year. It was during this tour he converted to Catholicism. Unbeknownst to me, priest friends obtained the needed paperwork from back home and Dan made his profession of faith and received the sacraments at the Easter Vigil. I will never forget the phone call that wonderful Easter morning.

While stationed in Plattsburgh, the chaplain, Father Dan Cassiero, couldn’t find a director for the religious education program. I told him I would help him out until he found one. Two years later, after taking classes offered through the diocese I received my certification as a coordinator for religious education.

In 1989 Dan retired from the military and we moved on to civilian life. A year later in 1990, Father Richard Sturtz called to see if I would be interested as coordinator of religious education at St. Alexander’s in Morrisonville. For the next eight years, I was challenged with raising a family and working for the church. It was through the faith, love and support of my children and husband that I was able to continue this ministry. We as a family grew in our own faith through this ministry.

Our family had many faith-filled adventures such as being on staff at Family Guggenheim, the planning stages of Sportscamp, and many youth ministry activities offered by our parish and the diocese. As a family, we were also active in the faith and community life of the Catholic schools that our children attended.

In 1998 with the changing landscape of the parish at St. Alexander’s due to the shortage of priests, I was asked to take on the ministry of pastoral associate. So once again it was back to school to St. Michael’s College where I earned a Master’s Degree in Theology with a concentration in Pastoral Ministry and Spirituality. It goes without saying that my family, once again, came through with their love and support.

Our boys are now grown, have children of their own and I was beginning to see the retirement light at the end of the tunnel. Sixty two was only three years away. But once again God smiled and said “follow me”! I was swinging on that trapeze of faith again, leaving a comfortable parish ministry and moving into a whole new ministry in the Diocesan Christian Formation Office. And again God has placed awesome people in my life who help me through the discernment process on yet another journey of faith. But. most importantly. it is my faith in God, who has never let me down and who has always been my rock., who said, trust me, as always we will do this together.

I always try to remember the story in scripture about Peter walking out onto the water when Jesus called to Him. He kept walking above the water as long as he stayed focused on Jesus. It was when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus he began to sink.

My testimony is always changing as I continue to take more steps on my faith journey. Like Peter, I sometimes am walking above the water and sometimes I am sinking, but through these experiences I find that I’m always at a new place where I see my faith differently.

It’s not that I have different’ “versions”, it’s just that my story of faith is constantly being written. There are new people, new travels, new experiences, new stories and God is always up to something in all of it .

At left, Pam Ballantine and her granddaughter Vanessa admire the family Christmas tree.