February 11, 2026

By Suzanne Pietropaoli
Diocesan NFP Director

“And they lived happily ever after” works well enough in fairy tales. But in real life, a couple need a realistic understanding of what makes marriage survive and thrive. They also need encouragement to access the graces offered by God, the Author of marriage.

Supporting marriage and strengthening understanding of God’s plan for this foundational vocation through solid Catholic marriage preparation are very significant elements of Steve Tartaglia’s work as diocesan Family Life Director. Himself a child of divorce, Tartaglia brings this unique perspective, as well as great passion, to these efforts—as he does today with Christina, his wife of 23 years, and their five children.

Tartaglia is open about the impact of his parents’ divorce.

“They separated when I was 12,” he recalls, “reconciled briefly, started divorce proceedings my freshman year and divorced when I was a senior. I was the second of their six children. After the divorce, my parents dated other people, which was troubling for me. My mother eventually remarried, but my father did not.

“Divorce affected the six siblings in different ways because our experiences were different based on our ages. Each of us certainly carries ongoing wounds, some of which come to the surface decades later. For me, watching my own children grow up within an intact family triggers sad memories at times. My wife has mentioned that when I get together with my siblings, we always talk about the divorce—which happened in 1988. Typically, children from divorced families suffer from the wound of silence, which means they just don’t talk about their experiences and pain with anyone else. When they attend a Life-Giving Wounds retreat, they open up for what could well be the first time in their life, and they begin the process of healing.”

The next Life-Giving Wounds retreat will be held June 26-28 at the Good News Center in Utica. For information, contact startaglia@rcdony.org.

The closest Tartaglia can come to understanding his parents’ divorce and subsequent annulment is that they “were seeking marriage as something of an escape from their own families of origin, both of which struggled with a variety of issues.” Happily, “It was the opposite for Christina and me when we got married. We were not seeking an escape; we were seeking the will of God for our lives. While we had both considered religious vocations, we discerned that—however beautiful—that was not what God was calling us to. As we dated each other, it became clear that what we were seeking was the Sacrament of Matrimony. And we decided to live out the sacrament the best we could.

“Before we were together, we both believed that God had big plans for us. We both came to each other believing God wanted us to do important ministry in the Church, and that we would be able to accomplish his plans better as a married couple than we would separately. First and foremost, it meant developing a family that was solidly Catholic. This means that we continuously learn the faith and practice it. It also means protecting our marriage from dangers, identifying and turning away from false gods that could hurt our marriage and family if we let them. It means always striving to put Christ at the center of our life together.”

Remaining faithful to the Divine plan and relying always on the grace of God, Tartaglia’s marriage and family life are quite different from those in which he grew up.

“I believe,” he continues, “that the biggest problem that marriages face is having something other than Christ at the center of their lives. When Christ is replaced by a false god, an idol, the marriage and family is damaged and built upon some shifting sands, which makes their lives together precarious. What finally destroys the marriage can be varied: materialism, addictions, infidelity or something else, but all are symptomatic of replacing Christ with an idol.”

But, Tartaglia points out, “Marriages facing problems can recover. They do not need to have a divorce. The grace of the Sacrament is always present so long as the couple avails themselves of it together.” Such faith in the goodness of God and his presence at the heart of marriage could sound a bit like a fairy tale. Interestingly, though, there may also be empirical evidence for this vision. In 2018, the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard released the results of a 14-year study of the role of religious practice in supporting marriages. Involving 66,000 participants, the study revealed that regular religious attendance was associated with a 50% decrease in divorce. And best of all? Less than one percent of couples who pray together divorce. The Maker of marriage did truly create it to be a blessing!